I find myself
still as awkward
as I was when I was 10.
I find there's times
I avoid people alot,
over and over again.
I find some
that I'd like to be with
and think that hey, maybe I'm ok.
After awhile though,
I'm back lonely again
as friends drift away.
It isn't like me
to stop someone and ask
if they'd give me the reason.
I know life's
flux and people's needs
change with the seasons.
But these friends
come and go too quickly
and momentarily I'm flattered...
only to later feel
left out, forgotten, and abandoned,
wondering if I ever really mattered.
Sometimes I get
the feeling that maybe
they can see what I feared it to be...
That this lonely
girl is the problem, and the common
denominator in this... is me.
People like me
ask for no pity, nor want
it ever to waste your time.
It wasn't hard, was it,
for you the more socially-adept one,
to become a friend of mine?
This is not so for me
and when you came along,
pity was not what I asked for.
I was just hoping
that maybe you could stay awhile
...and I ask of nothing more.
I write this
not of anyone in particular
but as a time-tested truth
Of how it is
or what it's like to be me
ever since I was a youth.
It may sound sad
but the truth of it is,
I've gotten really quite used to
being 'the pal'
one minute, and then the next
I'm wondering, 'What did I do? '
And everyday
I go about my usual,
pretending that this doesn't affect me...
yet here I am
at 3 in the morning, writing,
again wearing my heart on my sleeve.
Lee Degnan
http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/life-as-me/
